Personal Reflection

I didn’t go to college right after high school due to several issues I had with my parents. They didn’t want me to go away to school thinking I would get involved with people and situations they didn’t approve of and couldn’t control. They exercised a great deal of control of what I did, where I went and how I acted while I was in high school. They didn’t like any of my friends – and I was a GOOD KID. I didn’t do drugs or drink, I hung around with kids whose values and morals were the same as mine and the house I grew up in. So instead of college I followed my parent’s directions to be on staff at the church we attended. While I regret that I didn’t go to college right after high school, I can say today that returning to school in my late 30’s gives me a greater perspective to look at all sides of an issue – things aren’t black and white like they were for me as high school ended – I can objectively look at a situation and see all sides.

I was very shy and slow to warm up (jut like my virtual child) and it wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I was able to over come that. Today I am more confident in my own abilities. However, my interests have stayed the same. I still love working with kids, and I can do so with a greater confidence now. I’ve also mellowed a bit when dealing with changes. When high school ended if a situation did not follow my plan to a T – I was a wreck. Now I can adapt and change with a situation without all the stress and drama.

I am a happier person today than I was when high school ended and part of that is simply because I stopped living to please other people and started living to please myself.

Assignment 12 - Ready for College

In terms of development, I knew that Katie Anne would struggle with temperament – slow to warm up – throughout her teen years, just as she did as a small child. This was part of her nature, not something I could change with selecting the “right” parenting answer for a given situation. However, this does not define her social status. She has a close group of friends she feels comfortable with and continues to hang out with them. Katie Anne strong academic skills allowed her to be accepted to a very good out of state school for college. I knew early on that he math skills would take her far. She is a well rounded young adult and on the right path to have a successful time in college.

Katie Anne seeks out my advice on important issues or questions that are a bit beyond her experience. As our text suggests, her moral understanding is fostered by warm parenting practices, such as listening and posing higher level reasoning (Berk, 322) something I strived for as a parent.

Katie Anne voices her own opinions and is ready to separate from us as she grows. She has achieved identity achievement, in my opinion, and as our text suggests this is due to our parenting practices (Berk, 317).

Katie Anne’s self-esteem is healthy. She is capable of coping with life’s problems. Her success in academics and her musical abilities allow her to experience a high level of self-esteem. Our authoritative parenting aids in this process as suggested in our text (Berk, 315).

In terms of Katie Anne's development that is influenced by factors outside of my control, her temperament is still slow to warm up, something that is part of her nature – and no matter which choices I made to nurture her, she still struggles with this area.

All in all, Katie Anne was a pleasure to raise! At times I could identify her responses and actions to my decisions as those of my own "real" children. Hopefully as my real children grow, my parenting skills will reflect what I've done with Katie Anne.

Assignment 11

Katie Anne has done well in all of her math and science classes, and now really finds 11th grade physics to be quite interesting. Katie Anne is going to submit a science project to a county-wide science fair in a couple of months. I took Katie Anne to visit friends who work in math/science-related fields at their place of work in an effort to help her get ideas about possible future professions. She might want to study engineering.
Katie Anne is in Honors English and History and is one of the strongest students. She loves to read. She has written some good pieces for the school literary magazine and is involved in the school newspaper. I enjoy talking about books with her and reading her stories.
She got a C in Spanish II (she switched into Spanish sophomore year), and C's in both English and American History.
She received A's in both Algebra II and Physics. Because of these grades, Katie Anne is eligible for AP Physics and Chemistry in 12th grade.
She received C's in her Fine Arts classes this year and complained that she had "two left thumbs" when it came to drawing or working with her hands. These skills have not been her strength since pre-school!
She received an A in her instrumental music class, and a rating of "pleasure to have in class."

Katie Anne's peer involvement has a positive effect on her social development and her school achievement. She had a break-up with her boyfriend and she has been distraught for the last two weeks. I've spent more time with her than usual, and try to listen well, to encourage her to open up about any feelings that she has. That has brought us closer. She also talks to her girlfriends constantly - that has helped her process! Katie Anne is occasionally moody, more often it seems from something that happened outside the home, rather than anything I did. Whenever this happens I say something sympathetic and remain available for conversation, but give Katie Anne her space.

Katie Anne came home from a party smelling of marijuana. When I asked about it, she looked evasive and stammered, "I - I didn't try it - one of my friends was smoking it outside the party." I told her "I trust you to tell the truth" (hoping this makes her feel really guilty if she actually tried drugs) and we discussed the dangers of drug use with her. Another time Katie Anne went out with some friends to a party on Friday night. Around midnight, she called me to come pick her up. On the way home, I smelled alcohol on Katie Anne's breath. The next day she had a real doozy of a headache. We discussed how alcohol can impair judgment. I was proud of her for calling when she needed help - although she was grounded for drinking. She's underage - there will be plenty of time for experiementing when she is legal. Katie Anne has been dating someone for 2 months now. We are worried because Katie Anne says that she's in love, and we're nervous that Katie Anne may be having sex. So we talk with Katie Anne and try to convince her that she should wait until she is married and more sure of her relationships to engage in sex. However, just in case, I talk to Katie Anne about safe sex, condoms, and birth control stressing that I don't condone them, but want her to be informed and make her own choices. Overall - I think we've done a good job parenting a teen! Her value set seems to correlate with ours.

Assignment 10 - The Early Teens

Now that Katie Anne has joined the ranks of early adolescence, she continues to play soccer just as she did in middle school. She tried out for the high school soccer team and made it! She seems to be very serious about learning every aspect of the game. I am happy she is having such a good time with the sport and we enjoy going to the games.

Katie Anne and some her friends went camping with a close friend's parents. Katie Anne had a great time, and one of the parents who went on the trip taught her how to use a compass and read a topographical map. On the first day, Katie Anne hiked one of the more difficult trails, and on the second day, she led the group on five mile hike. She always has loved sports.

Katie Anne occasionally gets upset and becomes cranky or gives me the silent treatment when we have discussions about issues such as bedtime, chores, curfew, clothing choices, music choices, etc., but otherwise we get along pretty well. We aren't going to get anywhere by continuing the discussions, so I usually drop it and let her calm down for a while before speaking to her again. Of course, these behaviors occur as a normal part of growth and development. We make sure we communicate often and that Katie Anne knows she can come to us with a problem. So far she hasn't rebelled and shut us out for long periods of time.

Cognitively and physically Katie Anne is changing in early adolescence. She wants to hang out with boys, so we allow her to see them in groups or at his house or our home where there is adult supervision. Katie Anne also worries about her looks more as she needs braces. Our text suggests that she will be self-conscious and concerned about her body image (Berk, 290) and she is. Our text suggests that parent involvement helps ease transition from middle school to high school (Berk, 306). So we are sure that Katie Anne knows we are here to help her manage her time. She has adjusted to the transition of high school fairly well, however, the stress of homework means she must manage her time better. We set aside time each day to do homework and I try to make a point to model good time management. Our text suggests that her peer influences will play an important role at this time in her life and that she will choose friends who share her values (Berk, 307). So we encourage her in those friendships. She has two close friends that share her values (which we are happy to say are the values we find important).

Assignment 9

Katie Anne thinks she is fat, and I reminded her that all girls gain a little weight at the onset of puberty. Then I casually said I was going to start eating healthier and exercising and asked if she wanted to join me. As our text suggests Katie Anne reacts strongly to stressful events and experiences pleasurable situations with intense feelings of elation (Berk, 288). She also has mood swings and shuts herself in her room when she comes home from school in a bad mood (Berk, 289), yet other times she is happy and pleasant. She argues with me over clothes, allowance and curfew, so I renegotiate some of the rules giving her more input like allowing a later bedtime in exchange for more chores. She would rather concentrate on boys and her friends than her schoolwork, a typical sign of puberty according to our text (Berk, 290).

I would say that Katie Anne continues to be resilient. The rules are clear and she follows them. During her pre-school years, Katie Anne was perhaps over-controlled more as I made decisions for her. Now she and I negotiate more. In pre-school Katie Anne was slow to try new things and often was frustrated when she could not perform a task, a sign she might be over-controlled a bit. I feel I have relaxed as she has become more mature and can use reason to understand what I ask of her.

Katie Anne's oral reading, decoding and spelling skills are above grade level, and her reading comprehension is about at grade level. She is a pretty good speller, but isn't much of an inspired writer at this point. Katie Anne can type now, thanks to a 6th grade keyboarding class, I help with writing assignments at home.
Katie Anne is in an advanced math class and does very well in science, but is only an average student in English and social studies. Her word reading, spelling and writing skills are strong.
She got a B in 7th grade English, a C in Social Studies, and a B in Spanish. She got an A in 8th grade math (she had been placed a grade above in math) and an A in 7th grade science. As a result, she will be able to take honors math in 8th grade, which is basically the first year of high school math. Katie Anne was in 7th grade chorus and in the band, and got an A grade and a note of appreciation for her fine efforts from both the chorus teacher and the band director.

She could work on Time Management like completing her assignments on time. To learn time management skills we work together on projects at home and take time to talk about the steps necessary to complete the task. I feel this will help her learn to manage time. At home I am rewarding her with privileges when she completes her homework, however, I refuse to pay her for her grades as some of her friends parents do. Instead, she can do extra chores to earn money.

Assignment 8 - "The Pre-Teen"

Katie Anne struggles with Art, so we are working on projects at home and I let her help make the choices of colors, fabrics, etc. She demonstrates strength in reading, spelling and music. Her love of reading has helped increase her verbal and language skills. She is appropriate for grade level in all other areas of academic skills. So we continue to work on spatial skills when she shows an interest – building projects over the weekends.

My husband and I are back together now - yea! I am traveling more for my job and Katie Anne is having trouble coping with her problems at home when I am gone. She is excited about going to Science camp, though. She still can get nervous and anxious about stressful situations and withdraws, but now she is back to her normal self by the day’s end, instead of struggling through the remainder of her day as in her early childhood years. She is nervous but excited about starting 6th grade. Overall, her attachment issues are still a continuing theme, but we provide lots of encouragement and praise her when she is able to try a new situation. I am thrilled that she is excited about science camp, instead of being so nervous that she would decide not to go. She often stresses over tests and get nervous the night before, but we study together and tell her to do her best. We try to let her know that the only person she needs to please is herself. Perhaps that will help her overcome her deep need to please others.

Yes, our parenting has changed. We have begun the process of letting her make more of her own decisions. In her pre-school years, I could give Katie Anne a choice between two things - both with an outcome I desired. That no longer works, she desires much more of a say in what happens to her. Since we did establish an authoritative style of parenting in her pre-school years, now we often reason with Katie Anne now and engage her in join decision making as suggested in out text (268, Berk). As Katie Anne has gotten older, we let her make more of the moment by moment decisions of her day (268, Berk). She has asked to earn money this summer to buy a bicycle. Sibling rivalry has increased, so my need to intervene has increased. I separate the girls immediately and allow them to play together again only after they have apologized. The addition of a sibling causes me to focus on more than just Katie Anne.

Assignment 7 - Katie Anne at 9

Katie Anne continues to score above average on math concepts, application problems and computation tests. Her verbal skills have improved and she now communicates where she is expected to (as opposed to her below average speaking skills as a pre-schooler). She has taken singing and piano lessons for two years. She is talented and enjoys them very much. Recently, she began playing the flute. Music comes easily to her. She still relishes physical activity and loves her organized soccer team. However, her spatial skills are well below average, possibly consistent with a learning disability. We will continue to monitor that. She still struggles with interpersonal skills. Her strong desire to please others makes her fearful in new situations, where she is still very slow to warm up.

Gender roles are found at school like teasing and chasing between boys and girls. We encourage Katie Anne to model mommy, something she enjoys doing but also want her to be exposed to other roles so daddy often cooks or vacuums. We also encourage Katie Anne’s love of physical activity, such as playing sports like soccer and catch. Dad is her soccer coach and mom plays catch with her. My attitude toward gender roles differs from the statement in our book that says parents have different expectations of boys and girls from birth (212, Berk). I make sure my children see dad cook dinner and mom mow the lawn. That way they begin to understand that no job is solely a woman’s or man’s job, but is instead part of being a family – we help each other and contribute to the good of the family. There are no girl's toys and boy's toys, just toys that interest a child. If my daughter likes legos and video games, she plays them, even though they may be a more traditional "boy" activity. Likewise, my boys play house and make believe that they are cooking and cleaning and doing laundry. What women wouldn't love that in a man?

Had Katie Anne been raised by parents in a lower SES, she may have exhibited more external characteristics such as obedience and neatness as discussed in our book (46, Berk). Instead we encourage her to explore her world through curiosity and self-direction. She may have been disciplined harshly and been commanded to perform tasks (46, Berk) instead of the warmth and verbal praise we offer. Had she have been raised by African American parents, she may not exhibit the attachment issues we’ve dealt with as our book states that those parents have more socially competent children (21, Berk).

Assignment 6

My husband and I separated, so that does not help in Katie Anne’s attachment issues. She still over-reacts to stressful situations and can become anxious, moody or slightly depressed. She is often clingy and apprehensive of new situations. We continue to provide emotional support for Katie Anne until she feels comfortable in new situations. To encourage her independence, recently we tried rewarding her for facing a new situation independently. She has struggled with attachment issues from birth.

Katie Anne requires additional help in the areas of visual arts and spatial understanding, speaking and listening, and understanding content during social studies and science. This surprises me right now, because Katie Anne loves science. I am not sure what to do to parent her differently in this virtual world. I thought that encouraging her love of science through visiting museums would assist her make the connections with language. Next we will try getting more books out of the library on those topics and reading frequently. She has made spme progress with regard to speaking. She can articulate what she wants to say somewhat better - a big change from when she was a pre-schooler and was behind for her age. She still struggles with spatial exercises.

Katie Anne has made great strides with regard to controlling her impulsive or distractible behavior. Earlier as a toddler and pre-schooler, she struggled with this. Novel behavior for her age includes comparing our parenting skills with those of her peers. She demostrates appropriate peer interaction, once she warms up.

Time for Kindergarten Assignment 5

I would say that our parenting style is Authoritative. We do our best to enforce and explain the age appropriate demands we place on Katie Anne. I do not think that my parenting techniques have changed much since infancy. I model and consistently praise Katie Anne for good behavior. I also encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings. Although, since Katie Anne seems depressed when stressful situations occur, perhaps that is a result of the harsh fighting my husband and I have done in front of her. My experience as a parent of 4 kids has been helpful in realizing that I don’t have to be my child’s friend. I should guide and direct my child with warmth and love. However, since Katie Anne is still slow to warm up and at times clingy at 4 (and none of my real children are either of those things) I wonder how to “virtually parent” differently to get different results or if those things are simply a built in part of my child’s personality.

Since Katie Anne is now ready for Kindergarten, she is not as easily distracted or impulsive as she was at 2. She can finish a task by herself, unless it becomes too demanding. At 2 she was easily distracted, and rarely finished activities. Part of that comes from goodness of fit, I can recognize that Katie Anne benefits from warm parenting with firm and reasonable demands. That allows her to master a new experience. Katie Anne was able to write her name, and earlier she showed below average results for copying lines. She improved on several of her fine motor skills. I feel this growth comes with age and symbolic thinking as she can control more of her fine motor skills.

I feel that Katie Anne is still slow to warm up to new situations, yet resilient since she is usually in a positive mood, and seems to take ups and downs during the day in stride. She also seems to be able to avoid conflicts and arguments with peers. However, I wonder if Katie Anne is overcontrolled? Katie Anne needs a lot of encouragement and support from teachers to get started on and persist with many tasks or activities, especially if they become too demanding. She often does that with me when a task is too demanding at home. I will continue to encourage her to find a solution on her own and only step in if I fear she will harm herself or others.

Katie Anne at 3 years 10 months!

Katie Anne loves to kick soccer balls, ride her trike, play catch with a baseball, and climb on everything. My husband and I spend lots of time playing these games and activities with her. We feel that helps foster her love for physical activity.

I am disappointed that Katie Anne is still below average in her language skills. She has trouble communicating in complete sentences and uses only a few words. She throws tantrums when she isn’t understood. I have to be very patient with her and that wears on me. I try to spend a lot of time talking to her whenever I can, however my husband and I will begin to spend even more time talking to her about anything and everything. We also plan to take her to interesting places and watch educational tv shows with her as well as read out loud more to her. She only tells broad outlines of a story without many details. Yet Katie Anne is above average in reasoning tasks such as counting and classifying.

In preschool Katie Anne seems to be anxious and unsure of herself in new situations, but given time and encouragement eventually joins in the group activities. At home she loves being a big sister to her new baby, but occasionally regresses to making baby sounds for attention.

Katie Anne has been lying, a common practice among 3 year olds as they learn to distinguish fantasy and reality. We explain that lying is wrong, makes others feel bad and she gets a time out when she lies. She also has trouble sitting still for periods of time (like dinner time).

We tell Katie Anne what we expect from her during dinner times and praise her when she cooperates.